Our Intrinsic Value

As is usually the case in Priesthood blessings I did not receive the answer I thought I wanted.
Usually I am told that I will know what to do to bring about the desired result, and I've wondered, "Why can't I just have my wish?" (as though Heavenly Father was in the Genie business!) I am thinking that I just want to be healed like other people seem to be. But after many years and many blessings I have come to realize that in my blessings I am promised a greater gift if I will do a bit of research, along with prayer and follow through ~ the gift of Knowledge through practical experience.
In tonight's blessing again I'd hoped simply to be healed. I'm wanting to be free of pain pills. I don't like the anxious pains of withdrawal and I just want it to go away! I've worked hard for this blessing and I've been constantly aware of withdrawal for about 6 weeks as I've decreased dosage amounts and frequency of use.
In my blessing I was told that my plan would succeed and I would, by the end of this bottle of pills, be free of addiction; it was not taken away. No free gift. So I feared the pain of the path and I wished I could somehow escape. I wondered what else I could do.
I thought I might find some answers in church tomorrow, or in the scriptures, but instead I found the answer in various talks from last April's General Conference we began to listen to on our drive home.
After a little pondering and prayer I have begun to see that the Lord has something else in mind. He wants to spend more time with me. He wants to walk and talk with me and give me gifts along the way, as I place my hand in His.
It also makes me wonder why. What would He have to gain by keeping company with someone like me? My understanding deepens as the words "intrinsic value" are brought to mind. It's even more than love. The word "intrinsic" is defined as "belonging to (someone) by (their) very nature; as the very essence of (Himself/His Family); innate, inherent, inseparable from the (person Himself); comprising, being part of a whole (Eternal Family)." And He values me because of it, just because I am His. This is very humbling and at the same time, uplifting. It gives greater faith and hope.
So, once again, I did not receive the answer I thought I wanted. I am getting something much better.

Almosts

Now that memories of the car accident are beginning to fade and discussions about it are finding their way to the shelf, I have consciously seen what it means to "go home and GET well".
I guess to explain a bit about the "getting", I would have to say that healing and 100% recovery aren't the same things. A wound can heal completely, even almost all by itself, but without the Physical Therapy that sometimes needs to go with it, there may be residual long term (perhaps life-long) consequences.

I never knew this before!
But it's a happy thing, indeed, to finally be able to make this list of almosts!!

- It almost doesn't hurt very much to do those PT exercises! Yes, I will be doing them for a while still, but it's becoming much easier.
- I can almost reach up my back with my left arm.
- The "road rash" is almost gone.
- I can almost sleep on my left side again.
- I can almost reach straight up whereas before, I couldn't even place my hand on my hip.
- And speaking of my hip, the site where they took the bone for the graft is almost gone; practically healed both outside and in.
- I can almost look side to side without too much pain and the range of motion increases every time it's measured.
- The scars above my eyes are fading.
- The shower doesn't hurt anymore when the water hits my head and the sensitivity to touch is almost gone.
- The numbness in my face is also almost gone. Most of the time I don't even realize it's still there.
- I can almost feel no stress on my neck when I sleep on my pillow.
- The long cut I had on the back of my head almost doesn't hurt anymore when I rest my head back in the car.
- I am almost able to drive myself wherever I want to go! I stick to driving around town but I'm happy with it. :)
- This "almost" is all about balance. So how does a person decide what good posture is anyway? I don't wish to walk around like there's a board under the back of my shirt, after all! But at least I don't feel so stiff anymore! haha!
- But here's the final "almost". Last but not least is the gradual "getting" off those addicting little pills for pain. I am down to just one dose a day instead of every 4 hours. I had t0 learn that the only way to tell if I actually needed them for pain was to NOT take them to see if the pain would come back. These are things I never have had to think of before, but now I am decreasing my doses and should be completely free of them by the middle of November. I never would have thought that I would come to know anything at all about drug withdrawal! But as my doses are decreased I can tell. All the nerve endings in my whole body seem to be standing on end, like a huge case of the flu when you can's stand for anyone to touch you because your skin is so sensitive. But with the withdrawal, the nerve endings feel like they are everywhere, both inside and out. It's a terrible feeling, but isn't that bad as long as I don't try to go "cold turkey"! (And there's nothing wrong with a bit of Tylenol to help ease it in between).
- This isn't an "almost", but I want to include that my hair is no longer falling out due to stress!! LOL!
- There is one thing, however, that will never become an almost, and that is the huge gratitude I feel to Heavenly Father, and my family and friends. My life is forever changed as I have also learned that prayer is not "the least" one person can do for another, it ranks pretty high! And that all those "little things" we do for others are exalting.