Saturday, October 30, 2010

Our Intrinsic Value

As is usually the case in Priesthood blessings I did not receive the answer I thought I wanted.
Usually I am told that I will know what to do to bring about the desired result, and I've wondered, "Why can't I just have my wish?" (as though Heavenly Father was in the Genie business!) I am thinking that I just want to be healed like other people seem to be. But after many years and many blessings I have come to realize that in my blessings I am promised a greater gift if I will do a bit of research, along with prayer and follow through ~ the gift of Knowledge through practical experience.
In tonight's blessing again I'd hoped simply to be healed. I'm wanting to be free of pain pills. I don't like the anxious pains of withdrawal and I just want it to go away! I've worked hard for this blessing and I've been constantly aware of withdrawal for about 6 weeks as I've decreased dosage amounts and frequency of use.
In my blessing I was told that my plan would succeed and I would, by the end of this bottle of pills, be free of addiction; it was not taken away. No free gift. So I feared the pain of the path and I wished I could somehow escape. I wondered what else I could do.
I thought I might find some answers in church tomorrow, or in the scriptures, but instead I found the answer in various talks from last April's General Conference we began to listen to on our drive home.
After a little pondering and prayer I have begun to see that the Lord has something else in mind. He wants to spend more time with me. He wants to walk and talk with me and give me gifts along the way, as I place my hand in His.
It also makes me wonder why. What would He have to gain by keeping company with someone like me? My understanding deepens as the words "intrinsic value" are brought to mind. It's even more than love. The word "intrinsic" is defined as "belonging to (someone) by (their) very nature; as the very essence of (Himself/His Family); innate, inherent, inseparable from the (person Himself); comprising, being part of a whole (Eternal Family)." And He values me because of it, just because I am His. This is very humbling and at the same time, uplifting. It gives greater faith and hope.
So, once again, I did not receive the answer I thought I wanted. I am getting something much better.

1 comment:

Hanaike House said...

Good luck, Donna. You are in our prayers. I'm sure your faith and postivie attitude will get you through.