As I awoke very early this Sabbath morning the Spirit led me to think about a choice I made a couple of years ago that I shouldn't have. I found myself multiplying in my mind my faults and weaknesses and dwelling on what might have been had I done better. Mercifully, I was able to go back to sleep and start my day all over again.
In my prayers I found myself asking for help, and answers at church. The talks were on charity and it took me a minute to see that the Lord doesn't want me to take an overlooked need to repent as a reason to take an emotional dive. From His standpoint, He loves and cares about me and this is simply part of learning and growing.
I remember I prayed hard at the time. I explained to Heavenly Father what turmoil I was in and that I didn't know how to come to terms with doing the right thing because I thought my way was for the right reasons. He eventually took things into His own hands and fixed it for me, but at a rather high price.
I ask myself, why is it that I seem to think a few things have to be my way and not His? But I've reached a place now where I'm ready to finally tell Him that I only want what He wants. I'm finally asking for Him to take away all desire for anything and everything in my life that is out of allignment. I guess I'm just tired of the results of my own poor judgement and truly desiring to fully trust His, knowing that everything will be so much better when I do.
I had this picture in my room when I was a little girl. It was on the wall beside my bed and I would look at it when I said my prayers. I learned to lean on the Lord completely and trust in Him then as the only one who would never let me down. Ever. Over the years He has always been there and I have proof through experience that His way is the way to true happiness. It's time now to draw on my own childlike trust.
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